Avoid E-Machines

Eric,

In your socko conclusion to your E-Machines review, the one in which you were kind enough to spend several paragraphs discussing my opinions, you say the joke's on me, and (presumably) people like me (so many of us!) who don't appreciate these machines for what they are...

But really, the joke is on you, the problem is, you just don't see it.

But here's how you COULD see it:
Taking E-Machines at their word that they are in fact the McDonalds of computers, and assuming that everyone but the poorest and/or least enlightened members of our society know exactly what McDonalds is all about ( http://www.mcspotlight.org/media/books/schlosser.html ), simply rewrite your product review as a review of the cuisine at your local McDonalds!

Even the idea is ludicrous, which should help you peel back the veil a little bit; a few paragraphs more, and you'd see exactly what your review is really doing, at bottom (albeit in the computer arena):

"Walking past the freshly-painted golden arches, we were greeted with a tasteful dining area, precisely-molded plastic chairs and elegantly shaped mud coloured cafeteria trays. We waited on a short, cheerful line, while pleasant classical muzak poured over the loudspeakers, carefully tuned so that the noise of the fryers was barely audible. A polite young man, who appeared to be doing everything he could to keep his facial pimples under control, took our order. Several minutes later, our meal arrived, so quickly! We rate the service TOP-NOTCH!

"The hamburger bun was moist, the meat tender and juicy. The fries, 'though not quite as good as the pomme fritte at nearby Bistro 315, were perfectly tasty...the thick milkshake, also tasty, and miraculously, made entirely without dairy products...or any natural products for that matter...but despite the artificial ingredients and preponderance of chemicals, it tasted every bit as good as a real MILK shake! Sure, the final calorie count was in the high thousands, and we all felt a little ill afterwards, and Dad's going to need a costly quadruple bypass after a few more of these "happy meals," but still in all, really, quite a bargain, when you consider what a meal at the nearby steak house costs..."

Here's the truth:
"E-Machines used to really, really suck. They still suck, but not as bad as they used to suck, maybe. E-Machines has learned a thing or two over the years, but so has every single one of their competitors, meaning they are still at the bottom of the heap, still, relatively speaking, shit, just like they used to be. A computer is more than a pile of components. There isn't a single major PC Manufacturer who doesn't build a better machine. Dells and HPs, to name two, are much, much better than E-Machines; it's a discredit to both of these companies to even mention them in the same breath, and I'm sure the engineers at these companies, who know exactly what is what, would howl with laughter at your praise of these cut-rate boxes.

What happens with E-Machines is exactly this: the POWER SUPPLY UNITS self-destruct, requiring a costly repair. Sometimes this is the only thing that happens. More often, when the Power Supply Unit fails, it damages the main board also, and even the processor chip, turning the machine from a computer into a boat anchor.

"The problems with E-Machines tend to show up after extended use, and after serious attempts to upgrade them, so sparkling short-term test reviews are pretty meaningless. Moreover, E-Machines is unscrupulous enough to send out superior machines to easily-duped reviewers (remember, this is the company that shipped systems with overclocked chips FROM THE FACTORY in order to enhance their specs!!!). E-Machines are usually purchased by people who are ignorant or poor or cheap or stupid or all of these, in some combination. These people don't know what is good and what isn't; their opinions don't mean anything. Anyone would be better off buying something decent, a low-end Dell, a Compaq, whatever.

"But the lure of a bargain will always appeal to bargain-hunters, be they bargain hunters by choice, or by necessity. And there will always be computer journalists spinning happy fairy tales, feeding the machine, keeping it going...imagine all the praise that must have been heaped on long-dead and little missed Packard-Bell machines by publications very little different from yours..."

This is all for my blog, so don't feel you have to respond if you don't feel so inspired. Anything I need to know about E-Machines can be learned -- not from your review -- but from reading the incredible quantity of bad user experiences littering every corner of the internet, and from actually servicing the damn things here in my very busy and profitable shop.

Thanks and Regards,
Steven Salemi
The Computer Guru
Santa Fe, New Mexico USA